It was very difficult. I finally got sober by SA's definition (no sex with self or anyone other than the spouse) but I wasn't really getting "progressive victory over lust" yet. So, looking back I was "technically" sober and also realized I was a "dry drunk" as AA puts it.
As a female in meetings with all men it was difficult to find a sponsor so I could get working on the 12 steps. I called SA's central office, got numbers for women from all over the country and made calls....LOTS of calls. I got a lot of "good luck" and "no, can't help you" but one gal did try and help but she would basically tell me to look up the step and see what works for me and do it then call her. I had no idea what to do with that since I had never worked the steps. So getting help from women was not working.I was however getting help from the men in my meetings. Many were giving me numbers of therapists (I already had one but they thought it might help), giving me advise about calling the central office and encouraging me to not give up.
Also during this time I had to do another disclosure with my husband. It caught me off guard as I didn't want to for fear of losing him but he asked during a counseling session and if I was going to be honest and keep being honest I couldn't lie anymore (lying is something I have done all my life so this honesty thing was new). So I was honest. That was not easy. This was the 2nd disclosure I had made to my husband. The first had been 6 years earlier without the help of a therapist but with the prompting of the therapist. To admit to my husband that I had been unfaithful, was addicted to porn, masturbation & fantasy was awful. I will NEVER forget the pain on his face. I never wanted to see that again. Then last year when I had to do a second disclosure I saw it again. I had been unfaithful in the 6 years since my first disclosure and as much as I didn't want to tell him I knew it was the only way to healing and to have a close, honest, intimate relationship with him....as long as he stayed with me. He has thank God!!I also had to do some house cleaning as far as getting rid of clothes and "toys". I put an accountability program on my laptop (see previous post here) and started sending it with my husband to work everyday so I didn't even have the temptation. Again not so fun. I didn't think I would care but it was sad to let go of things that were a part of my life, even if only a short time (the toys I had only had a short time).
Many times I wanted to give up. I felt like I was never going to get the help I needed. I was never going to get better and I felt sad, lonely and depressed most of the time. I did get help from one of the men in my meetings. He helped me do my 1st step. I did get 3 months of sobriety then lost it. I was feeling pretty hopeless a lot of the time. I wanted to go back....back to before I went to treatment. Back to my "old" way of life. Back to my "safety" (see last post here).I had tried another female temporary sponsor but that didn't work out. I did meet a gal who is now one of my very best friends and I am honored to be her sponsor.
Finally, after months of working my a$$ off to get help and find a sponsor I was encouraged to ask the men in my group as some had sponsored women before and might again. So the end of Nov 2013 I asked one of the guys and he said he would be my temp sponsor. Now almost a year later he is my sponsor and has been a HUGE help in helping me get to where I am.
NEVER GIVE UP!!!
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