Working MY Program

It has been a week since I posted on gratitude and I am very thankful that I am still doing very well and very grateful for the progress I have made and am continuing to make. 

Over the past week I have been thinking about my recovery and what I feel is best for me. I had an epiphany last weekend and that is where I am now...trying to figure out what is "right" for me. What does MY program for recovery look like now? How do I need to change things to continue moving forward?

I did talk to a few people about this and I realized I need to be careful as most 12 steppers feel that if you "cut back" on meetings you might as well prepare for a relapse. I understand that many cannot and probably should not do that but I need to figure out what is best for me...not anyone else.

I am listening to my gut, instincts, heart....or most likely God on this one and I am not making any huge changes at this time. I did miss my meetings the past week and to be honest it was actually good for me. I got to spend time with one of my kids which was a much needed thing for both of us. I had a panic attack the night before I was to get up for a meeting and it took a lot out of me...rest was more important at that time. Self-care came first as for me lack of self-care can be worse than missing meetings when it comes to my addiction(s).

My program will continue to change as I change and my life changes and as I heal and grow. I think that should be the case for everyone because if nothing changes then nothing changes and change is what helps us grow.

I did make a chart for myself because there is a HUGE difference in last spring when I cut back on meetings and now. I am NOT quitting or giving up on recovery. I have NO desire to go back into any of my addictive/destructive behaviors (even though I know that the urges will come around and I need to be prepared). I don't plan to stop going to meetings just maybe go to some different ones see if something is a better fit or maybe just go to one a week. I am NOT backing off on my recovery/healing work. 

I DO plan to continue working recovery and healing. Use the tools I have learned and cont to learn on a regular basis. I DO plan to keep moving forward, keep growing in my relationship with God, have fun and enjoy life. I want to get back out in life and serve where God wants me to serve.

I want to create a life worth living not just survive. I want to keep changing to improve myself and my life. I am choosing to work MY program and do what is best for ME!!