Change....I Want It To Last!!

With this being the holiday season I am happy to say that this year I am doing pretty good so far. Usually I hate this time of year and just want to hide (hibernate). I feel that most of why I am handling life right now is due to all the hard work I have put in over the last year plus and the changes I have made in myself.

A recent change is my sense of feeling empowered. This is new to me and as I have said that several times to my therapist I realized yesterday while talking with a friend just what that meant to me.

Most of my life I have felt powerless. Abuse will do that, especially child abuse. Feeling powerless and having no voice and no say, that anything I said, felt or needed did not matter, led me to have a need to control things and people. Also, with feeling powerless I found myself unable to make decisions driven by fear of making the wrong ones.

With the skills learned over the last year, I have made decisions over the last several weeks that were my own and felt really good about them. Some I had to discuss with my husband as they involved him but he was on board and I didn't try and control the situation just brought my thoughts and was open to hearing his.

This empowerment has led me to not have that need to control people or things. I can let go and that is really freeing. To make decisions and feel good about them even if they are not the best, that's okay. Letting go of this need has given me power and freedom that is beyond words. I can just be me!!

I like this change in me and believe I am growing emotionally from the wounded child into the adult I want to be.