The Need to Fit In

I have spent my life wanting to fit it, belong, be a part of but never felt like I ever did....until last year. I remember sitting in an SA meeting and thinking (I think I even said it several times) that I finally 'fit it' somewhere just wish it wasn't in an sex addict group.

Last week I was feeling a bit down and lonely and thought maybe I should just go to more SA meetings just so I feel like I fit in somewhere. This was fleeting as I have my reasons for not going to regular meetings. I did tell my husband what I was thinking and he agreed not a good reason to attend meetings. My therapist also agreed...NOT a good idea for me!

For me to go to meetings to 'fit in' would mean that I would NEED to be struggling to fit in and that is NOT good for me. I have been in support groups for other issues/destructive behaviors in the past and as I get healthier I find that I feel out of place and either need to leave the group or struggle to fit in. This is what I recognized in myself last Dec and knew I needed to back off on the meetings.



Let me just make this clear....I am ONLY talking about me and my recovery journey, how things work for me and in my head. This is NOT to put down 12 step meetings or anyone that feels the need for regular meetings even when doing very well. I think it is great that people with long sobriety and good recovery can go to meetings and be in the meetings to help share with others still struggling....this just does not work for me. 

Thankfully those thoughts were fleeting and I recognized that I was not feeling well and needed rest more than trying to fit in somewhere. I am doing better and I know that these feelings will come and go and hopefully become less and less (as they have) as I continue to grow and love myself and care for myself. 

I have a place I fit in and it is the best....I am a daughter of the One True King and I am dearly loved and that is the BEST place to be. For me I don't believe God called me to fit into any recovery group but led me there to discover things about myself and work on growth and healing. I also can help others by telling my story of healing. There is always a purpose for our struggles but those struggles don't define us. I don't want to define myself as a sex addict but as a believer in Jesus. A recovering human being taking one day at a time......